A Calm Place you can get back to

Why I call it a calm place

When I teach this practice to therapists in training, the part I spend the most time on is the checking. Does the place actually calm the person? A pretty scene is not always a calming one. A beach can be where a family holiday went badly wrong. And for some people the word "safe" puts them on guard all by itself, which is why I call it a calm place.

The recording takes you through building yours, slowly: what you see there, what you hear, the temperature on your skin. Then you choose a word that brings you back to it.

When to use it

It works best when you are revved up. Your heart is going fast, a conversation keeps replaying, you are lying awake the night before something you dread. Your calm place gives your body somewhere else to be for a few breaths.

It is not the right tool when you have gone flat. If you feel far away, foggy, numb or slowed down, closing your eyes and going inward can take you further away. Then keep your eyes open and move: stand up, press your palms into a wall, find five blue objects around you.

How to practise it through the day

• Build it once with the recording, on a calm day. A practice you rehearse when you are fine is much easier to find when you are not.
• Morning. Before you pick up your phone, say your word and spend three breaths in your place.
• Small irritations. The queue, the traffic, the email you keep not answering. Each one is a chance to practise the way back. Say your word, see the colours, feel the temperature on your skin, then carry on with your day.
• Before something hard. A meeting, a difficult call. Thirty seconds, eyes open if people are around.
• At night. Play the recording again in bed, or just say the word.
• Notice your number. How stirred up are you from 0 to 10, before and after? If the number does not move after a few tries, this may not be your route. Try pressing your feet into the floor with a longer out-breath instead.